Safe Return

Life is full of disappointments.

Not for me. I am fine. Life is beautiful for me at the moment.

I have a beautiful family, beautiful loved ones, a beautiful career [though how ugly people's perceptions towards my job are, that I don't really care] and a beautiful body [yeah, I am beautiful in the eyes of the beholder....my own eyes!]

But feeling disappointed is such an understatement when I heard about yet another news of abduction. The sadness shared here understates the extent of the real anguish the parents feel now.

Their only son was abducted while walking to school yesterday morning.

Vanished.

The father was crying while begging for the safe return of his son at a press conference. The mother was beside him, speechless. She must be overwhelmed with confusion, anger and sadness. She shed her tears. Everyone else there was seen shedding tears too.

How can people not be sad about this?

What kind of devils at work here?

 What good can we learn out of this incident?

I don't think we can do much about anything nowadays. Even if you lock your doors from inside, those lunatics will find their ways if their intention is to break in. If the aim is to abduct, they will do exactly that even if you guard your kids with armed bodyguards. But yeah, how many of us can afford bodyguards, anyway?

I pray for the safe return of this boy and anyone at all who is forcibly being taken away against his/her will. Safe return. It means without harm and still alive. Unhurt. Untouched. Undisturbed.

And we shall pray for this madness to be stopped altogether. Pray that our kids or family members to be safe, happy and healthy. Pray that everyone in this world has finally stopped envying others, so that they won't take what is not theirs.

Because praying is the only thing we can actually do now.

The Same Old Stories

She's been on my mind for quite some time now.

Whenever I have the time to speak to her during class, I will ask her a few questions. The same old stories.

But a whole lot of understanding towards the definition of struggle, happiness and sadness. I used to think that it is just impossible to live a life like what she's been living now. But she's the living proof. At least she is one of the many people who share the same fate as hers.

It all started when I noticed her staying in class with some rations to eat during recess. I asked her to go to the canteen to join other kids having their break. She politely refused. Between her smiles and silent giggles, she admitted of frequently bringing food from home to munch. And that is if she has something to bring. Always, there are some bread and plain water. 

So the conversation stopped there.

And it soon continued when I got to know her more. She is an orphan. The mother is unemployed as she is also unwell, receiving small funds from the government to feed all mouths in the house. Only few hundreds Ringgit Malaysia monthly for 5 members staying in the house in the middle of the country's capital city. They have nowhere else to go but staying put in this big city as the house is theirs.

That house is their only possession. Apart from having each other as a family. They survive. Happily so far.

I know she is not the only one. She isn't the worst. 

There are many others who come from broken homes, where there is no food at all on the table. Don't mention of having decent meals, even some bites are impossible. Let alone having some pocket money to spend. Some of them find ways to cover for the hunger by going to the canteen and "share" others' food by hook or by crook. They would normally ask, when ignored or denied, they would snatch the food from their friends' plates. They are normally boys.

Try to put your hungry kids at a table for a couple of hours and ask them to read and concentrate. Ask them to respond. Ask them to communicate, give ideas and find answers. If I were one of the kids, I would have fainted first, then, got up again and puked. I might vomit on the books, on my friends' heads and also on the teacher's feet. For all I know, it is quite impossible to study when you are damn hungry.

"Mummy, when are we going for the holidays?"

"There are many others who cannot even make it to the canteen today, you know?"

"Hah? What is that? What are you talking about, mummy?"

"Oh Sofea..."

Boredom

Excruciating boredom.

When you feel bored, you sense everything is like a pain in the ass. Your heart beats so lazily, you wish that it should stop beating altogether. Your limbs fail to move accordingly, you feel like you have no brain at all in instructing correct movements.You think that you breathe sand instead of air. Even the air around you is now grey in colour. Everything is painfully dull. 

You feel like you are all alone. 

Living in a can. Noisy, packed, suffocating and meaningless.

I am bored today. To the max. I don't feel like doing anything at all. And someone suggested me on updating my blog. She asked me nicely but I shut her request by the most blunt reply I could give her. So she went quiet.

I just do not know where and when the feelings started creeping in. I was fine this morning. But suddenly I felt everything was far-fetched. I felt disoriented. I didn't know the people in front of me, I didn't feel like talking to anyone at all. Even the best ever friend was not in sight when she was standing right in front of my nose.

It was like God has finally taken away altogether that tiny little eagerness left in my heart, dunk straight into an abyss where all the little light available in my eyes is now dead.

And living like a dead person? 

Feeling-less? Ouch! That hurts.

 

 

Best Friends Till Heaven

People question me a lot nowadays. How ridiculous and bizarre their questions are, I entertain their fascinations anyway. Patiently enough, hopefully in the next days to come.

I entertain them with hilarious laughters. A lot.

Curiosity.

That one feeling is often accompanied by evil perceptions. Overshadowed with jealousy. Strengthen with the eagerness to be the one with the most informed knowledge. The knowledge they think could rock their world. 

Their mundane banal world needs some excitements out of people's flaws. This is what we called gossip. Juicy gossips. Who wouldn't like gossiping? But try to be the one who is gossiped. Then you will know how suffocating your life is.

Apart from praying for my kids' well beings and safety, for my husband's unconditional love and constant support, for my parents' health and easiness in their daily chores, for my siblings and their families' happiness...

my prayers go to all my best friends too.

The one who answers people's doubts on my behalf when I've lost words to reply. The one who induces laughters when I get too serious. The one who is always calm and stays positive all along my wacky days. The one who paints me Heaven when I picture life as Hell.

I shall stop explaining about friendship and the relation it brings into my life.

Real friends:

No explanation needed as you will always believe in me.

Love Stories

I revised some language items with my students yesterday.

A single period lesson. The shortest one ever. It was short because we had great fun, cracking jokes and making fun of the newly-found lovebirds in my class.

Other students were rather excited, making naughty sounds when the couple was teased. The kids were so alive. They could even understand the examples illustrated easily when it came to talking about love and some sort of 'forbidden' adult topics.

But, hey, there was no pornographic description whatsoever. No. I didn't go there. Not in a million years with these kids. Not with any kid at all, anyway.

I think these kids are very lucky. A whole lot luckier than me, at least.

Not because they have such a cool English teacher, who at times goes berserk, destructively frenzied and deranged over their stupidity and laziness. And also, not because due to the fact that the English teacher is a gorgeous looking lady (but yeah...with some bumps here and there to hide, I admit the weekly weight-putting anyway...haha).

But because, these kids nowadays can openly share their newly-found love with their teachers. And these teachers, I believe, are rather supportive of them. Unlike during my school days, whoever was in a relationship should go undercover. No coupling was allowed.

No meeting. No dating. Oh, did you mention kissing? That was a big NO! 

The reason?

I think they were scared that this kind of relationship would be an agent of destruction rather than a catalyst of improvement. To us. To our education. To our morale and morality.

But I believe, now that I realize, the more we forbid the kids from doing something they love, the more will they try to put their effort in proving us wrong. They will find ways to glorify their love. 

When openly is forbidden, they will do it secretly. When they think they have no place to share their love stories, they will go so far away, being lost in their new world, just for the sake of wanting to tell the world about their feelings. 

"Are you okay with this coupling thing, teacher?" This one special boy asked me.

"Oh why not? When you have finally found a girl of your dream, love her. Give her your attention. Give her some gifts to show you care. But, respect the boundaries."

"The boundaries? What boundaries?"

"No meeting. No dating. Hah...stop imagining of kissing and touching her!"

"What?! Oh man!"

STOP!

Come on dear. 

Stop being judge and jury, passing judgments about others without you knowing the truth. 

What makes you think that you are hundred percent correct? Even if you think that you have the sixth, seventh or eighth sense, who wants your opinion anyway? Especially about others' flaws?

Don't you think it is terribly unjust to label someone according to your preference and convenience?

The tables might be turned one day. Those whom you hurt today, might be the one who will help you one day. And all those hurtful comments and remarks will be one day just describing you or your kids.

Keep your opinion to yourself.

Be fair in giving advice.

People have feelings.

Even animals too.

The Heartrending Rain

It was a normal day today.

Only that it rained heavily at the end of the hot afternoon. I felt that as if the rain fell in bulk, being forced to fall out of the sky and being pulled down by the high speed gravity. Thank God that the car's roof was still fine and intact.

I glanced at my daughter beside me. She was quiet. She might be lost in her world, wondering whether or not her superhero Sonic Hedgehog would love Amy-whatever-her-full-name-was wholeheartedly. She might be counting how many times the wipers went swishing on the windscreen. She might be thinking about the junk food that she would have had when we reached home.

I wasn't sure but still, I didn't ask. Because I was lost in my world too.

That long glanced however was suddenly stopped by a stalled motorcycle in front of our car. 

"Goodness Gracious! What the hell are you doing that for!"

I felt like I stopped breathing as my foot pushing for the brake. The car had to stop immediately! And my right hand was pressing the car's horn. It went blaring so loud, I thought I had sent the signal alright.

I cursed the motorists in my heart. One for riding in the rain this heavy and not making a stop for safety. Two, for suddenly stopping in the middle of the road where it could cause fatalities.

Then I turned my car to the right and passed them very slowly. My eyes were sharp as I was overwhelmed with anger. I would want to scold them high and low if I could, for giving me such a trouble.

But my eyes caught something so disturbing. And those angry feelings vanished at once, gone with the heavy rain, as fast as the flow of the rain water.

"Oh my God! Oh my God!"

This time around I whispered quietly, but it was loud enough for I knew Sofea could hear me. I just could not understand why bad things could really happen the way they happened. I felt so sad. That was what we called as unfair.

Oh, yes. And who said that life is fair, anyway? Life isn't fair and never was. And sometimes, no, many times in fact, that I questioned God for allowing bad things to happen to good helpless people and at the same time, allowing those snobbish terrible people to live happily, here in His earth.

Ah...yes, here in His earth. Hopefully God, You will grant heaven to those who patiently persevere all hardships given to them. You promised us that. I know for sure You never break Your promises.

I had to continue the journey at once because there were many cars closely following at the back. From the rear mirror, the motorists were struggling to stand straight to save their possessions and to balance the motorcycle at the same time.

Eventually anyway, they lost their balance and they fell down. All of their things were scattered on the middle of the road. Luckily, the traffic was then slowed down. I don't think they were hurt, but they were terribly drenched.

My heart was broken by today's rain. The rain that some people enjoyed so much, coiling themselves in the blankets. Feeling the blissful cold that the rain brought along. My heart ached not simply because the motorists fell down in the rain. Not about the things that went scattered.

And I even felt more disgusted with my previous anger. 

My heart was torn upon seeing: in between of the motorist and his lady passenger, gasping for air, trying  very hard to breathe, in the middle of that heavy rain, breathing the air bubbles and drinking the bulky raindrops, on that fateful motorcycle.....

...there was a tiny baby!