Come As You Are

She came and hugged me when I was sitting at my table.

"Teacher, Happy Teacher's Day!"

The hug was long and tight. I giggled.

"Ok, ok Aca...thank you very much!" Still, she hugged me tightly and didn't let go.

"Come on girl...thank you very much. Read your book, revise," I continued giggling. It was already awkward. She was still hugging me. Her head was at my shoulder. She then looked at me.

"Ok teacher, I wanna kiss you." She kissed me on both cheeks. I was stunned.

"Kiss me back, teacher" She smiled. I did kiss her back, on her cheeks. Still giggling, I said thank you, half-stunned but feeling fully happy. She went back to her seat.

She was the brave one.

When everyone was answering the Add Maths paper this morning, the class went deadly silent. All eyes were focusing on the questions. The struggle was obvious. And it was the perfect timing to replay the memories from the back of my head. 

This was the song that brought me into this world. It was Nirvana "Come As You Are" that helped me to gain a place in the course. It was an interview for a twinning programme for TESL. 

I was asked the reason why I wanted to be an English teacher. After all, I was a Science student. I told the interviewer that I love English songs. So they asked me to sing a song.  

I sang half of the song. With my ugly voice. The pitching was everywhere. But I sang.

As simple as that. 

I didn't go impressing them by saying teaching could change anyone's life. I didn't bluff them saying that teaching is a noble profession. I didn't know at that time that teaching could inspire anyone.

I wasn't even prepared for the interview in the first place. All I knew that day, my parents were waiting outside of the room, waiting for us to hit the road back to our hometown. And in front of me, four 'big' people, talking in English, asking questions related to my life.

All I did was answering them from the bottom of my heart.

"What if your students asked you about difficult words that they cannot understand? What should you do?"

"I will ask them to check from Mr Dict," they burst out laughing at my answer. 

Seriously at that time, I didn't realize that Dict sounded really like Dick. But, that was exactly what my form 5 English teacher said to refer to our dictionary. Mr Dict.

While some of them were still laughing, I remember one of them, Puan Rozana (God bless you always) said:

"Come as you are, Noorul. Come as you are into this world of teaching"

And I definitely did it!

Dreamy

I dream of living with all my loved ones in proximity. At the moment, my parents and siblings are all scattered everywhere in the country. Some are quite close, but very much distant by work and other private matters. I haven't seen my parents for quite some time now. I miss them very much.

Once in a while we talk over the phone, with my dad always passing the phone quite too quickly to my mum. And there is nothing much discussed except about my kids and my school work. Of all my siblings, I am the only one who works as a teacher. Just like my parents. Proudly.

I dream of playing good music to entertain myself. Thus, at this very age, where people start prioritizing something 'more important', I go back starting what I have started long ago but didn't finish. This time around, I will ensure that I gotta do what I like doing, and not allowing others to suppress me from doing it. Slowly and patiently, I will start from the beginning.

I dream of having all close friends together, very close with me, where we share our hopes and ambitions in bettering our lives. When any attack comes upon us, we have an unquestionable defense to rely on. Where we know exactly when to come to aids when any of us is in troubles.

I dream of a life without sickness. Physical and mental sickness. Sickness is one thing that degrades us from being our best. When we are sick physically, we stop functioning the way we always function. We try to accommodate the pain and try to ease the pain away, no matter what. Mental sickness is the worst of all sicknesses. Those with mental sickness can actually reach the stage where they stop being humans altogether.

I believe that a life full of dreams is a life worth living. Those dreams make humans humane. No matter how many dreams enliven your life at the moment, keep dreaming. Because you will never know when....

...your dreams are finally shattered.